Tuesday, 31 January 2012

I can do it. I can do it. Can I do it?

 A whole load of work on progress... See I can do it...
 I am working. I am. Iam. Despite the awful 'bad mind' sitation that I wrote about Sunday I am having to produce work. I have an exhibition in 2 and half weeks, which I am totally stressing about.  I'm not ready. At all. It is a total head-messing nightmare. A year ago when I thought it was actually a good idea, I decided to go for it... a showcase for my new body of work... now a year later, I'm just having pretend it's not happening simply as a coping tactic. I've already decided that nobody is actually allowed to go and see it! Full stop.... See I can't do it...


Sunday, 29 January 2012

Ha. Maybe Something...

To the Dept of Brain
In My Head
Top Floor of My Body
In a Freezing Cold Yorkshire Village

Dear Mind,

We need to have serious words; I know you are not happy at the moment; I know you are desperately craving daylight; I know you are resolutely trying to convince me that my creative spark is dead, defunct, no more, nada. But I'm not standing for it! I'm sorry that I hurt my stupid knee and can't run so much in the way that you have become accustomed, I know that running keeps you ticking over in a satisfactory way; (but lets not forget, dear Mind, that is was you in the first place that advised me to play on the childrens' obstacle course in the forest, last May, which caused my knee to bend in the wrong direction and wreak cartilage havoc). But this absolutely cannot go on, I'm fighting back now and am going to prove you wrong (sticks up 2 proverbial fingers to depression, SAD, whatever this *!^$ is (insert choice word here).

Evidence point 1:
I swear I felt a flicker of something the other day...I don't know what it was. or even if I was just trying to convince myself. But something, whatever it was, compelled me to take these pictures when I got out of my car at work:

Evidence point 2:
Last Saturday I spent the day in London. Now I do love London... and dear Mind, this was always always going to be a tough one for you to fight, I'm delighted to report that you lose! I have plenty that I want to say about my most recent visit to the Saatchi gallery, it will take me a while, but I will document and write about it eventually, when you decide to relinquish the energy back to me:

Evidence point 3:
The sky

So you see, dear Brain, this behaviour is not acceptable and I will not be putting up with it for long (blows enormous raspberry)

And the Snowdrops will be flowering soon, followed by Daffodils, in a month or so I will be driving home in daylight, and getting up not long before sunrise... (it won't be long until I'm cursing the 5am dawn chorus again and wishing it was winter!)

Unkindest regards

Sunday, 15 January 2012

No. Nothing at all

I don't really have anything to say, at all (although as ever will manage to waffle about about having nothing to say!) . Nothing is really inspiring me at the moment. I feel a little lacking in something, but I can't put my finger on specifically what (do you ever get that too?). I've visited places I love in attempt to be inspired, or just to feel something, anything... but it's not happening right now, just not happening. So I'm not going to force it, just ging to wait patiently until this passes... but in the meantime I'm still trying to take images... little things that I know the 'usual' version of me would love...
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